Forgetting the Past
by X-TechnoBoyfriends-X
Summary: Its been almost three weeks since Gamzee disappeared, leaving Karkat broken both mentally & physically. Luckily, his knight is there to protect him. But will that be enough? What happens when Karkat finally goes back to school? Will Gamzee return? Or will he be too broken to keep the one he truly loves by his side? BoyxBoy; Karkat's POV; Hints at Abuse/Rape; Don't Like, Don't Read.
1. Chapter 1

A Note From The Author:

Please be aware that this is a continuation story. You may read on if you wish, but I suggest reading my fanfic "To Heal Heartbreak" before doing so as this does take place after that story.

* * *

It was dark when I entered our apartment, the smell of alcohol sickeningly strong as I noticed the tipped over coffee table and broken lamp. It wasn't very late.. Probably about five.. Maybe six o'clock. But the whole place was dark and eerily quiet. My heart was racing as I saw the beer bottles spread upon the floor.. And when I heard the front door shut, my heart dropped.

"Well if it isn't the mutant blood." Gamzee's voice rung through me and I back into the wall. No. Not again. I don't want this. His hand was at my throat and his breath reeked of beer. "Filthy motherfucker. Shoulda' known you'd come crawlin' back."

I whimpered and he chuckled.

"Don't worry. I'll make this good for ya'."

And then I was being dragged by my hair into our once shared room, crying as he tossed me onto the bed. I knew what was going to happen next.. And as he tied me to the bed, my struggling doing little to nothing against the highblood, I cried out for help. "Dave!"

I screamed for him, and Gamzee only growled loudly. "Shut the fuck up ya' filthy mutant!" He punched me and I cried in pain. But that didn't stop me from calling my knight in shining armor. "Dave! Please!"

Another punch. Another insult. And another cry of my love's name.

"Dave!"

This time, he came bursting through the door, grabbing Gamzee by the collar and pulling him off of me. Thank goodness.

But.. Then it happened. A loud growl sounded in my ears and I watched in horror as Gamzee swung a bottle at Dave's head, effectively knocking him to the ground though he managed to stay conscious. I struggled against my restraints, whimpering and crying and just.. Begging Gamzee to stop. But he wouldn't.

He punched, kicked, and bit at the blonde and within moments he was a bloody mess on the floor, barely able to move.

"He's mine Strider!" Gamzee screamed this before I saw him grab the lamp from the bedside table, holding it over his head. He had it aimed for Dave's face and I screamed. "NO! DAVE!"

But it was too late and all I could see was red. It was on the ground, on Gamzee.. On everything. And soon I felt as though I was drowning in it.

I screamed and cried and begged for Gamzee to kill me then and there. I couldn't live without Dave. But as the room faded away to the deep red of Dave's blood, all I could see was Gamzee getting closer, that sickening grin still plastered on his face. "Now why would I do that 'bestest friend'? I killed him so we could be together. Just me and you. Always.." He got on top of me, unbuttoning my pants. My heart was racing as I cried and screamed for it to stop.

And then I woke up.

"Mmm.. Karkat.. What's wrong..?" A tired, half asleep Strider looked to me from his spot beside me on the bed, red eyes half lidded. I had tears streaming down my cheeks.. And within seconds I was burying myself in Dave's chest, crying as he held me close.

"Another bad dream..?" He asked me this, voice soft though it was a little groggy with sleep.

I sniffled, nodding as I held onto him. "G-Gamzee.. He.. He killed you. Y-you couldn't save me and-"

"Shhh.. It's ok.." He held me close, rubbing my back in a soothing manner. "It was only a dream. I'm ok. See? Still all in one piece." He kissed my head and I blushed though the tears were only just now beginning to stop.

"I-it was so r-real.." I say this quietly, clinging to him as though my life depended on it.

"I know. But it's all over now. You're safe. No one's going to hurt you ever again. I promise." He said this and as the last of my tears fell, he kissed me softly.

It had been almost three weeks since the incident with Gamzee. No one had seen or heard from him since.. And.. I was too afraid to tell the police, so I stayed with Dave in his apartment. He was kind, gentle, and most importantly he was the only person I could trust one hundred percent. Not even Kanaya or Sollux could get close without inducing a panic attack.

I closed my eyes, relaxing against Dave. "I'm sorry for waking you.." I hug him, feeling bad that I once again woke up my new matespri- Er.. Boyfriend. Gosh, these human terms were confusing. But anyway..

"It's ok. I told you.. If you have a bad dream, I'm here. It's my job to make sure you're safe.. Even if that means protecting you from nightmares.

I nod, thanking him, and before I know it he's got the TV on, cuddling me and running his hand through my hair. It feels nice.. And soon enough a small purr is leaving me.

"That's my karkitten~" He murmurs this and I blush, embarrassed by the nickname.

"Shut up.." I say this quietly and he chuckles, nuzzling me. "Ok kitkat~"

I huff at the second nickname but.. I can't help but smile. He's a lot more affectionate than Gamzee ever was. I like it.

"Hey Dave..?"

"Yeah babe?"

I blush deeper, but I continue what I was going to say. "I.. I think I'm ready to go back to school. Would you.. Mind sitting next to me in all our classes? Since we have all of them together except Chemistry..?"

"Of course."

I smile and then kiss his cheek. "Thanks.."

"Anything for you." He said this and it made butterflies take off in my stomach. I loved Dave so much. He was great. I cuddled up to him more.. And soon enough, I found myself falling asleep once again. Only this time, there were no nightmares. Just the nervousness of going back to school tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey.. You ok kitten..?" Dave wrapped an arm around my shoulders, hugging me gently as I stood by his car, staring nervously at the school's front doors. I was scared. What if Gamzee was here..? Sure.. He hadn't been seen by anyone since the incident. But what if he showed up today?

"I'm scared.." I said this at barely a whisper, my eyes full of fear. I was so terrified of running into Gamzee again. What if he tried to kidnap me or something?

"I know you're scared.. But I promise.. Everything's going to be fine. I'll be with you all day long. The only class you won't have with me is only thirty minutes long. It'll go by like that." He snapped his fingers, portraying how quick the class would go by, and I nodded, hugging him. "Promise you won't let him hurt me..?"

"I promise."

And with that.. We entered the school. I was quiet, shying away whenever I heard loud sounds or someone tried to get to close when welcoming me back. But Dave made sure to explain to those who weren't inside my group of friends that I had been through a traumatic experience lately and that my shying away was only a result of it. I wasn't actually trying to be rude.

Thankfully people understood too.. Because I was pretty certain I would have had a heart attack if someone tried to touch me anyway.

Our first classes went by pretty fast… John even partnered up with us just so I wouldn't have to deal with anyone I wasn't very familiar with during our science class' three person experiment. And lunch went well too, Rose and Kanaya speaking softly to me and keeping my attention away from the craziness of the cafeteria. Dave of course was there too, hugging me and nuzzling me whenever a food tray was dropped or a group of students burst into laughter. It helped a lot.. Considering every sound was louder and every person around me seemed to have Gamzee's face.

But then Chemistry class came and I was left to say goodbye to Dave when he dropped me off at my classroom door. I shook, nervous as I sat alone at my table in the back. Gamzee usually shared this class with me.. And I was terrified of seeing him again. Every time a student entered the room I was flinching and nearly bolting up out of my seat to leave. But.. After class was nearly through, I began to relax. Gamzee wasn't anywhere to be seen.. Thank goodness. But then.. Something weird happened.

Tavros entered the classroom.

"Mr. Nitram… What're you doing here? This isn't your class."

The small troll nodded, apologizing and telling her that there was a note he needed to deliver.

At first, the teacher seemed skeptical. Note passing with permission? What was Tavros thinking. But then they went outside the classroom to speak and when they returned, she allowed it.

The orange eyed troll looked to me, wheeling his way through the classroom to give me the envelope. He looked apologetic and I flinched when he almost touched me.

"I guess I'll just leave it on your desk for you to pick up then.." He said this and I nodded, quiet as a mouse.

"Promise not to read it until you're alone..? Not even Dave can see it." I nodded again, but my gut feeling told me I should be afraid of the person this note was from. I stuffed it in my pants pocket as Tavros left and about five minutes before class was to end, I requested to use the bathroom. The teacher allowed it and within moments I was locked away in a stall, opening up the letter.

Inside, was a small purple flower and a note. I looked it over, shaking, and when I opened it, my suspicions were confirmed. From the sloppy handwriting, to the bit of clown makeup smeared on the paper.. It was obvious this was from Gamzee. I shook, nervous. So he was still in the area. Fuck and here I was alone in the bathroom. I peeked out of the stall, noticing the bathroom door itself had a lock on it, and quickly went to lock it. Once that was done, I sat down once more, looking to the note.

"To the love of my life.." That's how he started it. It was almost funny now. To be called such a thing by someone who hurt me so badly. But he wasn't writing in his usual uppercase, lowercase pattern, so I knew this was a more than serious letter from him.

"I am so terribly sorry for the things I have done. Had I been able to control myself, I wouldn't have done a single thing to you. I betrayed your trust, your love.. And more importantly I hurt you and I can never put into words how sorry I am for it all. I know what I have done can never be taken back. It can never be forgotten or forgiven either. But Karkat.. I am so sorry and I wish I could make up for it. I truly do. I love you with all my heart and I would give anything to be with you always."  
I nearly laughed at this, though I could feel tears streaming down my face. I would've given anything to be with him too… But what he had done to me… What had happened… I could never forgive it. And he was right. I would never forget it either. I would always be afraid now. Not just of him.. But of everyone. I couldn't trust anymore. I swallowed, wiping my eyes so I could continue reading.

"The words I said to you that night were the words of a mad man.. A fool who was so lost in his alcoholic wasteland that he couldn't even comprehend what he actually was saying.. So.. Though I know you probably won't believe me now, I just want you to know that none of it was true. From the moment I met you I was in love. I loved your frowns, your smiles, your rude and sarcastic remarks… I loved your eyes and your cute little horns and shit bro.. I always had loved your messy but ridiculously soft hair. You were like an angel in my eyes and I felt so lucky to have you. But.. I realize now that I used my last chance. I'm bad at writing letters honestly.. Especially when I'm trying to be serious.. But rambling aside.. I love you Karkat. I love you and I hope that you and Strider have found happiness together. You deserve each other. You deserve to be happy and treated right. So.. I guess this is just.. Goodbye. I know I can't come around anymore.. So.. For now I'll be staying with Tavros.. But once I have the money, I'll be leaving town for good. Hope you and everyone else the best.

Love, Gamzee."

At this point, I was crying, holding the note close to my chest. I wanted so badly to believe all of this.. But.. I couldn't not yet. I had to get better first. I had to hear him say it to my face. I…

I had to face him.

I swallowed, nervous as I put away the letter and hurried back to class to retrieve my things. The bell rang, but I was quick to find Tavros before Dave could come get me. "Tavros.." I looked to him, shaking slightly. "Can.. Can you do me a favor..?"

He nodded. "Uh.. Sure… What is it..?"

"Tell him.. T-tell him not to leave yet. O-ok..?" I asked this, tears forming in my eyes. "And.. Don't tell him but.. M-make sure he's at your place Friday.. O-ok..?"

Tavros nods, promising me to make sure Gamzee stays as well as he promises to keep him sober. I thank him.. And before long I'm finding Dave, hugging onto him tight and simply requesting to go home. This week was going to be a long one.. But.. I was certain that as of Friday, my nightmares would be gone.

Hopefully.


	3. Chapter 3

"Dave..?"

"Yeah Kitkat?"

"What would you say.. I-if I told you I planned to go see Gamzee…?"

Well… That earned me quite the unamused stare. "You're joking… Right?"

I sighed. Shit. This was going to be harder than I thought. "Well… Um… No. Not really."

Dave turned to face me completely now from his spot on the couch, a frown obvious on his face. He didn't make many expressions often.. But when he did it was pretty noticeable. Like right now. "Karkat… Why the hell would you want to see him? Have you forgotten already that he nearly killed you..? That he raped you and left you for dea-"  
"You think I don't know that?" I growled this, glaring at my boyfriend. How could I forget that day? It had ruined my life. Dave couldn't even kiss me for more than a few seconds without a panic attack coming on from the flashbacks I had. "I know what he did Dave. But… I… Well…"

"Well what? Karkat, he's dangerous. You know that. He could hurt you. Maybe even kill yo-"  
"He won't hurt me." I growl this, though inside, I'm honestly not sure. Gamzee could hurt me if he wanted to. He was stronger than me after all.

"How do you know he won't hurt you…? What if he tries to take you away from me? Karkat.. If I lose you.." Dave drifted off, hands balled up in fists in his lap. I understood Dave's worry. He loved me.. And he didn't want me to be taken away from him. It was just the same as I felt about him. I'd be lost if he was ever to leave me or be taken from me.

"Dave… You'll never lose me. I promise." I shyly leaned in, pressing a short, but sweet kiss to his lips. "I love you… You know I do."

"I love you too. But how do you know he won't hurt you..?"

I sighed. Looks like I'd have to show him the letter. I pulled it out, handing it to the other, and then took his hand after he read it. I could see his worry. He wasn't afraid I'd get hurt anymore but.. I could tell he was still scared Gamzee would take me away. "I want to hear him say it to my face Dave." I said this and then gently laced our fingers together. "I just want to hear him tell me he's sorry and mean it. I… I can't go on with only this letter left behind. I'll never be able to get rid of these nightmares if I don't face him."

Dave nodded, squeezing my hand lightly. "He still loves you so much Karkat. What if he-"

I kissed him quiet at that moment, forcing myself to hold the kiss longer than I usually would. I shook slightly after a few moments, but with a shaky breath I leaned into him after the kiss was broken. "Nothing he can say or do will ever make me change my mind about how I feel about you… I promise." I said this softly, and with a nod of his head, Dave hugged me tight, keeping me close.

"I love you. So much."

"And I love you." I nuzzled him and then spoke again. "If it makes you feel any better…You can come with me. I'll let you stay right in the next room… And if I need you, I can call you. You just have to promise not to hurt him… Ok? Not in less it's totally necessary."

"Ok… I promise."

"Thank you." I kiss him again, this one the normal, short period of time as usual and after a few moments, he runs a hand through my hair. It's a simple gesture, though he tugs at the hair close to my neck the tiniest bit, causing me to blush, but for some reason, it doesn't scare me like it usually would. It just.. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

He chuckles and then presses a small kiss to my jawline, making me shiver. I'm a bit scared honestly, since I can't help but picture Gamzee when he had bitten my skin, but when Dave nuzzles me instead of placing another kiss, I blush deeply. "Wh-what was that for..?" I ask this shyly and he smirks.

"Nothing. Just felt like giving you a little extra love."

I blush more and he laughs lightly. It's an awkward, underused laugh… But I love it.

"Were you scared..?" He asks this and I wrap my arms around his neck, hugging him.

"Just a little…"

"Well then… Maybe we can try kisses and stuff like that more often then..? Get you used to all the love and affection again..?"

I smile and nod at the suggestion. "Yeah… Ok.."

And then there's more kisses at my neck, my whole body stiffening for a moment. I'm scared… But I convince myself to relax long enough to give Dave the time to remove his shades. I blush deeply, his red eyes meeting my own, and when he leans in to kiss my lips, I find myself relaxing into it, kissing back shyly.

They aren't long, passionate make out sessions… But thanks to Dave's gentleness, each kiss does start to last a bit longer as well as I actually manage to enjoy the kisses and little suckles to my neck. They feel good… And to my embarrassment, a few breathy little sounds leave my throat. I try to cover my mouth.. But with a gentle tone, he removes my hand from my face.

"Don't try to hide your sounds… Ok? I like them."

I blush, but with a few more kisses, he's convinced me to keep my mouth uncovered.

We don't get far, the flashbacks I get when he touches my hips a bit too much for me to handle, but when he says goodnight to me, I'm more than comfortable enough to give him one long, deep kiss. It was nice… And to my pleasure, it helped calm my nightmares that night.


End file.
